Excerpts from Friends' Messages

I have received some very encouraging emails from lots of very supportive friends. I'm posting a few of them (with the names and other identifying details omitted) just to show you how loved I feel. I couldn't possibly post all of them, but this should give you a small taste.

That was exactly what I have been looking for. A diary of someone's experences - as they happened - more or less. I pulled up your page and said to myself you look familiar. I started in at the top with Dec 98. By the time I finished the first entry I knew it was good. I was laughing out loud by the second entry (happens with only 1-5% of my e-mails) and almost in tears by the time I read the third.

The first few months were like a good book that you can't put down. It is not just similar experences with similar procedures. (I was looking into the eyes of my wife and holdiong her hand the whole time she had that damm bone marrow biopsy.) It is also the places you go and describe. We have lived in the PNW only 10 years but no one living in New York, the mid west or California could understand. (Sorry, too many USA locations - lets try Toronto, Saskatchewan and well you are in the Califonia of BC.) A rainy night, the beaches around Tofino, the very PNW sights and sounds. Maybe it just brings back good memories of past vactions and trips.

What ever it is, many thanks. It was getting frustrating not quite finding the right stuff to read. The thirst for information is great when you deal with these diseases. Thank you for a window onto your life. I hope my wife likes the pages as much as I. I can't wait to finish the rest.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Just wanted to say hi, and tell you how much I'm enjoying your website. I have just been diagnosed with cervical dysplasia (precancerous) and trying to keep calm. I feel motivated to do everything I can to keep cancer away from me. I have 2 children under 2 who need me for a while... Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and congratulations for getting through your major treatments. I'm still working through all of your writing, but enjoying your style and especially your attitude.

dear lisa; i just got this computer for xmas, this year, and just hooked up on the internet, and read your story. it made me cry at some parts, as i relived my experiance with leukemia, and a bone marrow transplant back in 1990. i was very sick and ended up in the hospital for six months straight, without ever leaving!!!!!!! i have 3 sons, who were only 3, 5 and 10 at the time, and a wonderful husband, who was right there every step of the way. how are you doing now? please write as i would like to keep in touch with you, ok?

Yours was one of the first sites I found after I got the news that my friend was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. I decided I wanted to read everything to learn about this disease. Thank you Thank you Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us "out here". Although we are just beginning (first bone marrow test on Wednesday this week), I feel a little more prepared and hopeful that his treatment will be successful.

My friend moved from where I am now on November lst - transferred by his company for his "dream job". He's 41. It's difficult being so far away from him, knowing he's there alone - he hasn't had a chance to meet many people yet. A co-worker picked him up the day he had his biopsy.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate being able to read your diary and thank you for sharing the details of your treatment and life. My friend has decided he doesn't want to read anything until after the bone marrow results later this week. I'll be sure to tell him about your site when he's ready.

Wishing you all the best...

Hi Lisa! Nice to hear from you. Sounds like your life is still a bit of a mixed bag. I think about you alot - you've had a huge impact on my life, you know. Not just your recent experiences, but mainly the way you've dealt with them. I know it's probably difficult sometimes to appreciate the value that painful life experiences bring - I just want you to know that the silver lining to this cloud shines not just on you and Mark, but on your friends too. You have helped me to love my life. I hope that knowing this is of some comfort to you.

I hope you don't find notes from complete strangers intrusive, but I wanted to say hello and thank you for your web site. I just found it a few weeks ago and have found it enormously helpful. My boyfriend is in the hospital right now undergoing a stem cell transplant for relapsed Hodgkin's Disease. Needless to say, your site has provided some of the best information I've been able to find anywhere. Your progress over the past months is truly inspiring. Checking your page and seeing your notes helps me to know that this is all going to be worth it in the end. It helps to know that there is someone out there who has made it through the days that we're just getting to now (my boyfriend will receive his 4th and final day of the high dose chemo tomorrow 8/15). Anyway, I hope your neck starts to feel better soon, it sounds like maybe you'll find some relief in the next couple of days. I'll be crossing my fingers for you.

Thanks again for such a wonderful web site.

hi lisa, i have been reading your story and have read several links. Hang in there! you can make it. Your husband sounds like a gem. I am a 4 yr. breast cancer survivor and have lymphedema but, i refuse to give up. May god bless you and your loved ones.

Hello Lisa,

This is the first time I've been able to check out the "Hodgkins Sites" - thanks for putting your world up on the web. I was diagnosed in February of 1996 with stage IIb and have dealt with a fair amount of denial (and I work in health care to boot!). I've been fairly stoic about this whole deal - but regardless I am pulling through (6 cycles ABVD & 5 weeks of radiation), have been in remission for 18 months. I will keep you in prayer - would love to stay in touch. You have a heart which reaches out to others, which is probably why so many have reached to you.

Hi Lisa,

I live in Ottawa and make my way through life as a musician and social worker. I've also struggled with some pretty serious immune system problems for the last 20 years. I think it was while searching the web for some health info that I stumbled across your page. I just wanted to say what an inspiration your words have given me in my own struggles. It sounds like you're in a very painful spot right now. I hope you're able to work things out. Lapsed Catholic that I am, I'll say a prayer for you.

I just visited your webpage for an update, and I am saddened and worried to read that things are not improving as they have been for a while. I don't really know what to say, but I felt I wanted you to know again that I think of you often and send love and wishes your way often. It seems so unfair when all you really want is to sleep painfree through the night, wake up refreshed and happy, and go about your day without the nagging fear. So many people take that for granted, and don't even consider what a blessing it is to be in that situation.

The hospital visit sounded like a nightmarish experience for you and for the patients you saw waiting...the poor gentleman with the oxygen tank...how terrifying! I'm so proud of you when I hear that you are reaching out to help others who are more frightened than you, as so many people walk past without caring. What an incredible person you are, dear Lisa.

I would wish you strength, courage and grace, but it seems to me you already have more of all of these things than most of us ever achieve.

Thank you for the time and effort you put into your web site. My brother recently was diagnosed with non-hodkins lymphoma and I need all the information, help, etc. I can get. I wish you the best of everything in your battle. You must be quite a special person to have so many people care about you. Your quilt is a beautiful expression of love!

Lisa, How are you? I have something I have to tell you. A friend of mine was thinking of committing suicide. I did not know what to do. His family and I were very worry. But after I showed him your health page, it changed his mind. I showed him your health page because I thought it would show him how much the other people want to live. Anyway, it worked. It did change his thought. I guess your page showed him how much more difficult other people are facing compare to what he is facing. I am so glad that the thought of killing himself no longer exists in his mind. Take care.

Hi Lisa. Just a love note to let you know I am with you. I am thankful that Mark and your mother are right there with you. You are a beautiful woman, Lisa.

Dearest Lisa, Thanks for the update. When I don't get them for a few days many of my thoughts about your battle and you and Mark and mom. As you know by now, there is nothing like family. Unconditional love and unconditional support. Home base for most of us. I'll keep this short. You are remarkable!

Been thinking of you a lot lately, and glad to hear that you are ok. Infact, things are going forward! Wonderful. Wishing you glorious nights of sleep that enfold you like fresh warm down comforters, and days that are clear and full of love and spirit.

My the force, God, and all the other positive influences be with you as you battle to victory. I'll be loooking forward to your good news..so whenever your ready.. glad to hear that everything is progressing well! You are a trooper! I am sorry you are so nauseus. I was pretty nauseus for a couple of weeks a couple of weeks ago with a stomach problem. It was awful. Knowing that this can't possibly have come close to the way you must be feeling, I am giving you a compassionate remote hug and remind you that with every hour that passes, you are getting one hour closer to being well again! I am happy to hear from you. Sounds like you are hanging in there like a trooper!

I don't remember much of my transplant chemo thanks to Ativan (I think). I do remember living on 'Otter Pops', just loved anyone (usually my Mom) who would break up one, or two, or three in a bowl for me! Think that was about all I ate for about two weeks; plus of course what I called "Jello-in-a-bag" - the nutritional stuff in I.V. form.

I am sorry both that Mark isn't feeling well AND that you aren't able to see him much. I worried that Bob would run himself ragged and get sick . . . My nurses were great, too! They are special people, as a matter of fact, I may visit them tomorrow when I go for a CT near by.

Lot's more prayer for you. I think you will do well, just a lot of waiting. Be a good girl, and get lots of rest! Hugs.

Lisa, you sound amazing for where you are at this moment. Congratualtions on beating the battle of spirits! Day -7 and counting.

Hi Lisa!!!

Sorry I have not emailed in so long, but I have most definately been up-to-date on all that is going on with you! You are such the "dragon-slayer" in all of this. I can just hear the energy in your voice! I am very surprised that you are getting your hickman and bone-marrow harvest done on the same day! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when is the actual transplant being done??? A bit overwhelming and i guess confusing as well. Considering that I had my harvest in about May and then I had 3 or more cycles of chemo before the actual transplant which was in SEPTEMBER... it just seems like major surgery for one day! Sorry I don't really mean it like that..major surgery...I just mean that I can remember having each of these procedures done separately and I remember how weak they both made me! Lisa...I am sending you pinch of strength, from what i know of you ..you probably do not even need it, but this is from my heart to yours! Go get'em kiddo! I KNOW you can do it!

love always..

Dear Lisa,

My the force, God, and all the other positive influences be with you as you battle to victory. I'll be loooking forward to your good news..so whenever your ready..

Good luck Lisa. Just think of it as an old E-ticket ride at Disneyland. Very expensive, made you sicker than a dog, scared the hell out of you, but when the ride was over, you had the time of your LIFE. What more could you ask!

You will do well. You have a wonderful attitude and that makes a difference.

Just a short note before my computer goes to the shop to say we love you. Your strength and grace during all of this is truly inspirational...I cannot tell you how much I admire you.

I'll stay tuned to your news.

Love ya.

Dearest Lisa, Thanks for the updates. You are so courageous. My thoughts are with you every day and my prayers too.

One of the first things I did on Wednesday is visit your home page. Lisa, I really admire your courage in doing all this ... I read through your thoughts you wrote down and got tears in my eyes... I can't believe you're going through all this... But, Lisa, maybe this can comfort you: I'm sure you have deeper feelings than most of people ever have in their whole life times: you must really feel (and enjoy) what real friendship means; what Mark's love is worth to you, how precious beatiful moments are... You must be such a "rich" human being...(you now that is an enviable thing!!!) I read the last message: it seems you're going through a lot of pain these days. I really pray God he gives you the strength to overcome all this painfull treatments. Lisa, I'm so happy I have a chance to write you before you go into hospital for the high dose chemo and bone marrow transplant. I want to ask (I can't find the stronger word I would like to use: is it "beg"?) you: Please give me a chance to visit you again...! You made my life in Vancouver so much nicer...

Sending prayers and good thoughts your way! I had my pbsct in Jan 96 ... I took my laptop in with me but never got around to using it! I never read the books or even watched the videos I bought!! I did listen to tapes ... water sounds, some of my favorite music tapes ... I took in pictures of my family and friends ... and had inspirational sayings taped to the wall ... one of my daughters made up a packet for me that had reflective stars that we put on the walls ... I would look at them at night. Everyone responds differently to the high dose chemo, don't expect too much from yourself ... All my energy went into going to the bathroom, taking my shower and doing my mouth wash routine. Take could care and we shall hear from you when you can ... Sending you and your husband much Love!

I hope I catch you before you go in the hospital. I've been meaning to write you but it seems my on-line time has really cut back ... Lisa, I want you to know I'll be thinking about you and praying for you over the next few days. I'm reminded now of how easy I've had it - NO! I am not volunteering to do chemo again but I just never thought about the Hodgkin's coming back. All along at the clinic, I saw people in pain - I had very little, if any. I just figured, "Hey, this is the easy one - I'll take my medicine and that'll be that." Mind you - that doesn't stop me from complaining about some of the after effects, but I often remind myself that they're nothing compared to what many other people face.

Little by little, over the past year, I've started to know you. You are definitely a competititor (evidenced by your successful career) and that is to your advantage. I used to try to look at chemo as a competition with myself. Concentrate on what you have to do at each moment and check it off as one more accomplishment along the road. Enjoy each success (ah, three down, nine to go - that's 1/4 already!) - then move on to the next task with the same effort.

I also see you are a person of faith. That is 100% to your advantage. I hope it will not turn you off if I mention that it helped me to look at my suffering as a form of prayer. (I think this belief is uniquely Catholic. I'm a "cradle" Catholic but have tried to learn about other faiths since, "the unexamined faith isn't worth living." I could be wrong but I just haven't seen this concept anywhere else.) The whole idea is that you unite your suffering with Christ on the cross and your suffering not only helps you spiritually but it can help others as well. I've heard it said that if you could see the good you were doing at this time you would actually ask for more suffering. (NO - I am NOT asking for more chemo but, hey, if you've got to go through this stuff anyway it may as well benefit somebody!!!) This concept helped me enormously both with the physical suffering (which, as I mentioned earlier, didn't really do too many people a whole lot of good) and, of all things, hair loss. Now, THAT was tough! (Like you don't know that.) :-) :-)

One final thing that I know will help you is your sunny, fun-loving, adventurous personality (Have I used anough adjectives???) - an asset in any situation. As you've said in your updates, you can keep calling in Maui when you need it. I've never been there but imagine it must make for some great visualization. But, then, you make your own sunshine anyway. You just strike me as being positive and fun to be around.

I guess that's about it. You've come so far already that I don't know if I've given you anything new to go on but, hey, every little bit helps. If there's nothing new here, hopefully, I've just affirmed what you already know and have given you more fuel to GET THIS DONE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

I hope I haven't been too chatty here. :-) Our love and prayers are with you!!!

God bless you!

Lisa, Love and prayers to you. We know you can do this. It will be a rough few weeks, but hang tough. I know things are different for everyone, but wanted to let you know that I found the harvest to be a breeze and pray it is the same for you!

Dear Lisa, What a lovely addition to your diary - the January 25 message. A group of women got together on the 25th here in Essex County, Ontario for many reasons, and one of them was a healing meditation for you and two other individuals who are being challenged right now. The womens' names [the following names are included with the permission of the letter's author] are Bonnie, Irma (a survivor herself, who is now completely healed with the assistance of a terrific homeopathic practitioner), Madeline, Karen, Agnes, Elizabeth, Kimberly, Barbara, Linda and Mary. I was lucky enough to lead this particular meditation about the healing power of the sun, and I wanted you to know that. When our day was over we walked into a little second-growth forest to a natural healing circle, where we paused to meditate again. It was cold and snowy, and the family dog, Mitch, was very pleased with herself as she led us to this lovely hidden spot. You were on all our minds. I think of you daily.

Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your network. You have been much on my mind this past week, as I hoped you would be drinking in the healing power of the sun and the sea - and, with any luck at all, the dolphins. I have shared your letters with some of my nursing colleagues, and they take you home with them each night, to offer positive images and thoughts at this most difficult time. Your letter about your walk at the seaside, with the foamy waves lapping against your feet is a wonderful image for you. Let the waves take all the cancer cells back with them, to be transformed by the sea into something less toxic (whatever you want) and washed clean. Thank you too for sharing your labyrinth experience. Some of what happened for you there had happened for me as well, the first time I walked it. I'm sure that if you wished to contact Lauren Artress at the Grace Cathedral she would be open to that. I had the privilege of spending a weekend in retreat with her at Easter of 1996, and to celebrate Communion with her and about ten others. A life altering experience. She is truly an angel. Lisa, with your permission, I would like to offer meditations with some of my Therapeutic Touch colleagues to you. Also, I would like to contact some friends locally and around the province to send you distance T.T. as often as they are able. You are in my thoughts and in my heart, as you prepare for the bone marrow transplant. With affection, and in light.

Liiisa,

(The extra i's are for good luck)

So I logged on to your web site tonight for the first time (does one log on to a web site? probably not...) and holy cow (do people still say holy cow? probably not...) you DO have a lot of friends. I thought you were telling the truth when you said that most of the people on your mail out were strangers. I don't want to get mushy here, but good gravy (ummm? probably not...) people really do like you. I was only able to skim through half of the thank yous and e-mail messages (yes, I admit, I did use the search function to find my name...), but it strikes me that you are either a very special person, or a lot of people owe you money (if it is the latter please don't tell me, I would prefer to think the former).

So GOOD LUCK. I am thinking of you.

Do you like Margaret Atwood? I found a few lines from a poem that felt nice, after I talked to you:

I would like to...walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear.

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands...

Hope that says what I wanted it to.....talk to you soon, my friend!

Howdy Miss Maple Leaf,

Thank you for your response regarding my heartfelt wish for you and the others still battling this damn HD. Remember, WE are team-mates!!!!! I feel SO much for you Lisa and know that things are tough right now. I am heartened to read that you are maintaining your attitude throughout--you cetainly have a LONG Life ahead of you with your great husband--do NOT let anything in heaven or earth get in the way of those plans. I won't let it and you must not let it!!! Lisa, I am certainly not a wuss-puss, but please know that I feel that way whenever I think of your situation--it brings tears to my eyes when I think of your "re-battle" (is that a word? well, if it isn't, thenI hereby decree it as one NOW!!!!). Hang tough Lis. I pray and think of you every single day. You and your husband will get through this thing with flying colors--maybe not smooth seas, but certainly with FLYING COLORS. I feel it in my heart. I really do!!! The Love that you and your husband seem to share certainly can't be broken and it makes me think that it will help to defeat this HD monster. Make it so, will ya???!!!

You, Lis, are an inspiration in my Life. Ca me touche beaucoup! I don't speak French--I hope that is close enough for "you touch my heart!"

Hey, Maui is only for the best. So enjoy it, relax, lie in the sun and have fun. Go also on the top of the volcano to see the sun rise; it is damned cold but worth it.

This is completely unrelated but I found this thing below in this morning's paper and found it good. Hope you'll find it funny as well.

A French cat burgler drove to the Louvre and pulled off what appeared to be the perfect theft, but stopped only a few blocks away. He didnt have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Globe and Mail, Your Morning Smile, January 7 1998.

I can't believe you are defending your Ph.D thesis. But this just shows that you have guts, and are a real fighter--and winner. I can't imagine what you will be going through during the next few weeks, but I just know that you will win this battle. Hang in there, stay tough, and remember that you are a real survivor!

Hi Lisa,

I just wanted to let you know how amazed I am by your courage in facing your medical battle. What absolutely shocked me at this time was your intention to defend your PhD dissertation on the 21st, in between all of your treatments. If only we could all be as strong as you ...

I just got home and heard your message and now just read your E-mail. What to say? Your wise self knew this at some level didn't it? And now it looks like it has shown up physically, which fits with how you have been feeling. As you said this journey with cancer is not yet over for now and in a week or so you'll know what kind of treatments you face.

I am so sad for you and Mark that there looks like there may be more to deal with. Although I don't know you well Lisa, I do know what is at the core of you, a resilience and a strong will to live and contribute to life in a meaningful way. You have many supporters and people who will be there for you. I just want to add my name to the list, to be there for you and Mark in whatever ways I can be. Just ask?

So dear friend, let yourself feel the shock, the disappointment and the grief, and of course the hope, and we'll be your shoulder to lean on whenever you need it.

So glad to hear your last round of chemo went more smoothly, Lisa; let's hope it gets easier and easier for you. I have enormous hopes for this coming year, you know ... I was trying to explain to a friend how the number 1997 (and the words) had a dark grey colour to it, in my mind. It somehow "felt" oppressive and heavy. 1998, on the other hand, "feels" like the colour yellow, and feels light and full of hope and new beginnings. Does this sound completely weird to you?! Many, many people that I have talked to say that 1997 was an extremely difficult year for them, for various reasons. I know 1998 is going to be SO much better for everyone. I visualize you, Lisa, in my meditations, in perfect health and surrounded with a pure white light. So be it!

I am very sorry to hear your news but I am as sure as I have been all along that you will beat this. You show great courage, strength and spirit - the things that are needed to win. Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help.

Thanks very much for keeping me posted on your condition. I don't know what I can do from here, but if you need my services in any shape or form please let me know.

I must commend you for the strength and courage you have displayed at this point in your life. You are a source of inspiration for me and I'm sure for others on the mailing list. Despite your physical state continue to have a healthy mind and stay positive. It is only a question of time. I'm absolutely sure that you will be healthy again. I wish you my very best as you go through the treament process. May your guardian angel continue to protect and spur you on.

Please continue to wear the lovely smile. That is what I profoundly remember of you. God bless you and keep me posted!

I just can't believe that bad luck just won't go away. I'm devastated to read your message this morning. I had a dozen new messages this morning, but I jumped to yours first because first of all I've been meaning to write you for a while (to tell you about the TV show "Party of Five" where one of the character is fighting Hodgkin's - actually I thought that watching the show would bring back really bad memories but since I thought everything was gone forever that maybe it might be of interest to you) but most importantly because I was sure that you would announce that life was finally good for Mark and you.

I won't tell you that somehow I know that everything will be all right and everything will be easy just to pretend it would make you feel better. However your courage and determination is an example for all of us, and for that reason I know and I'm confident that you will fight successfully Hodgkin's again and for good. We now live very far from Mark and you, however I want to reassure you that you both feel really close in our hearts. I want you, I beg you not to hesitate a second if you can think of any ways, we could be a part of your road to full recovery.

I wish you all the best, we'll keep thinking about you and please keep us on the mailing (phoning, ...) list.

Oh, Lisa, I'm so very sorry. As soon as I saw your email I got a pit in my stomach. In fact, you probably can't imagine this, but I'm crying right now. It takes a lot to make unemotional me cry!

Lisa, if there is anything in the whole world I can do for you that is within me, please ask and it will be done. In the meantime I will continue to pray for a miracle of healing.

God speed. I will respect your privacy and can appreciate the overload of messages you must be getting. So if you don't hear from me, it is not because I'm not thinking about you. But definitely keep me informed!

Hi Lisa (and Mark). I am so very sorry that you have had this bad news. It isn't fair, you don't deserve it and it stinks. I wasn't very supportive through your last long bout, and I apologize for that. I have a lot of discomfort, not with disease, but sometimes with communication. I want to help this time. I can do communications, driving, cooking, talking, whatever. I have lots of time and flexibility. Call me. I'll be home later this afternoon, all day tomorrow, and most days.

dammit, dammit, dammit

My heart sunk when I saw the distribution list on your *test* dreading that just this mail w/ just this news would follow. This sucks and I can't stand it.....I demand wellness for you from the God/desses.

Please don't take me off of the mailing list & DEFINITELY let me know if there's anything I can do/send from halfway across N. America......

Thinking and thinking and thinking about you.

Lisa,

That really sucks. I'm here for you. All the way.

I heard the news this morning, and I feel like a trap door just opened up under my feet.

You say that your doctor is still holding out cure as a goal. Good. Keep that is your goal, too. It's going to be tough, but you are tough enough to do it.

If I can do anything at all, contact me immediately. You may feel free to call me at home or at work.

Oh Lisa....what a shocker...for you and for Mark. I have you both in my heart.....let me know how I can help...whatever you need from me you have unhesitatingly. Be strong...I know you will be... and keep me posted.

Dearest Lisa,

My heart aches for you! I am in shock at your news. If indeed the final diagnosis is HD, my sincerest Hope for you is that you will emerge on the other side of treatment stronger and healthier than ever. The road may be long, but just think of all the opportunities you will have to learn (and I don't mean yucky old facts about HD!!). I have great faith that you will do really well. :)

Please do not hesitate to call on us if there is anything at all your we can do for you and Mark.

Thank you for the update. I don't know what else to say except to say that shitty stuff often happens to the wrong people. I would be very happy to help in any way (i.e., I'm offering my services as errand runner, cook, cleaner -- although I should warn you that I'm not particularly talented in that area, cat-sitter--I'll take allergy pills, plant waterer, laundress, e-mail deliverer, mail getter--when Canada Post gets itself into gear, etc.) Just let me know and thanks for putting me on your e-mail delivery list.

It was very good of you to send us all such a detailed email. I am shocked and angry that you must again fight this battle. I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. I am thinking of you and Mark a lot, and would like to volunteer not only to help with communications but also with anything else. I am an efficient errand runner/shopper, I love cats, and I am particularly good at housework, if not terribly speedy. I actually enjoy doing laundry, too. And don't forget -- I'm downtown virtually everyday and practically go by your place on my way home.

I will not call but welcome a call from you or Mark at ANY time, day or night.

Hi Lisa, How I wish you didn't have to go another round in this fight. But remember that we're all believers that you can beat this if anyone can. If there's anything that would help, you just have to ask.

Lisa, We know that the last thing you would like to hear at this point is that we are sorry. We just can't believe that this could prossibly happen to you again. If the worst happens, please be strong and deal with it as gracefully as you did with the first one. Although we are far away from you and Mark, please let us know if there are anything we can help from here. We will be thinking of you all the time.

My dear Lisa, I can't believe it! I just don't know what to say. How can life be so cruel? We thought you were doing so well and were looking forward to seeing you guys over the holidays, now that things are finally settling down at our end. I feel so bad that I haven't been in touch. And now you are going to be back fighting that damned disease again. It's just too much, Lisa, and my heart aches for you. Our thoughts will be with you tomorrow (?) morning when you have the bone marrow biopsy; I do hope it is easier this time. And again, of course, on Friday for the CAT scan and lymph node removal. I don't understand what an autologous bone marrow transplant is, to tell you the truth. Obviously it is a transplant using your own marrow, but why is it necessary? Lisa, my mind is running around in circles, and I honestly don't know what to say; please know that we are here for you and Mark in whatever way we can be. I don't know what specific things to offer, to be of help to you both in these difficult days ahead, but whatever we can do, you have only to say the word. Can I come with you when you have the chemo treatments, and drive you? We love you both, and will gladly do anything we can for you. I'm going to give your Mum a call this evening, Lisa; I hope she's O.K. A great big HUG to you.

Dearest Lisa,

I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry to hear the news, if i lived closer I would give you a BIG HUG!!!! When the time comes for questions I'll be here! I went through an auto-bmt myself so anything you want to know...you fire away! Ironic, I just went for my six-month check-up this morning to see my oncologist and things are looking good. Apparently someone in emergency misread my pnemonia and it turns out that i never had it at all, it was actually scar tissue from radiation! So I had a good dose of cipro anyway! WEll my dear I am sure by the looks of that list (man do you know alot of people, indicative of sweet personality though!) I will keep this short. Stay strong, have a good cry if you need it, let's hope the biopsy comes back negative and if not you just keep that head up HIGH and positive attitude, it's amazing how you pull through for yourself when you "think" you can't be strong enough!

Lisa, Keep me up to date, let me know if I can help in ANY way, and call collect if you want/need to. I'm so sorry to hear this. Poop. Dang. Crappo. Etc.

{{{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}}}

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. Whatever you need me to do for you just ask----I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you are in great medical hands. Think positive and remember even those who recur can be cured. You put on your boxing gloves and KNOCK Mr HD right out. I know you can do it. Hang in there Lisa----sending healthy thoughts and prayers to you. Keep me posted.........

Oh Lisa, Strange, but I have been having strong thoughts about you recently. I feared that the reason I had not heard from you was because you were not feeling well. Naturally, I will volunteer to be a distributor/collector of information, provider of blood, cooker of food, cleaner of apartments, chauffer to appointments, backrub specialist, or general strong shoulder for either of you. I believe that I am blood type O negative, but I could go down the street to the Red Cross to have that tested if we get more curious.

I suppose you will be deluged with phone calls in the next few days, so I will give it some time before I try to contact you. As always, I wish you a tremendous amount of physical and emotional strength. If I could only give you some of mine to top yours up...

Dear Lisa:

I am more than a little shocked to hear your latest news. It is just so unexpected. Being in my own little world here I have assumed all this time that things were going well for you and you were well on the road to recovery. I am very sad to get your latest message. If my words are not eloquent I hope that you will understand. It is so hard to hear this from so far away and to know what to say. I also realize that there is so little I can do from here. I know that you have a large cirlce of friends there who will pull together to help you and Mark through this next round. I have no doubt that this is only yet another character building exercise that someone with greater authority than the mortal being has deemed up you and the many who care about you.

Dear Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear that your fight against the cancer hasn't finished. To me it sounds like living hell (to put it straight) and I can only encourage you to keep fighting. If you at any (now or in the future) point feel like changing your environment: visit me. Although it's got pretty cold right now, there are plenty of things to do here.

But to put it brief (lack of words): my thoughts are with you and Mark, and I wish you all best.

Lisa, that is certainly not the news I had hoped for. It must be very upsetting and frightening--hang in there! Life surely sends a lot of strange, bizarre, and seemingly random stuff at people. I have not figured much of it out.

Please keep me updated, and I will hold good thoughts for your recovery process! We still have a paper to get working on whenever you feel like it.

Lisa Thank you for this communication If you want me to, I would like to be on your immediate support list. I value our friendship and I value the relationship that we were able to build together. Perhaps, if it is what you want, we can meet regularly whenever I come to Vancouver. The journey goes on and we will never quit. You are a remarkable young woman. Hope optimism and support are the keys to good treatment outcome. I am here for you and Mark, available always for correspondence, conversations, friendship and support.

I was distressed to read your medical update. It was such a contrast to the optomism that radiated from you at our last meeting. My thoughts are with you as are my hopes for your full recovery.

Dear Lisa:

I was really sorry to read that you have to renew the fight and go through this difficult procedure. At the very least I hope my thoughts will help you with the fight.

Dear Lisa, It is 10.30 pm here on Thursday. I have been 'away' from the computer for the past couple of days (a rarity), so your email wasn't opened until just a few minutes ago. In fact both of us had to go over it a couple of times to take it all in. I will keep this message brief. (I would talk to you on the phone but at this moment you are probably in the hospital having your biopsy.) We would like to have a progress report on everything that's taking place, as frequently as you and/or Mark can find the time to keep us informed. If there is any help you need you will have it if we can provide it. Please send news, however brief, as soon as you can.

Oh Lisa K! I was hoping you would never have to write a "treatment update" email ever again.... What a thing to happen! My money is definitely on the fiesty economist from Richmond. Good luck on Thursday, and what happens beyond that...Lisa, I wish I had something better to say - I can be pretty verbose except when I really want to be.

I know I should be saying something to raise your spirit, but I must admit that I'm lost.

Sometimes, having a goal sorts of motivate me. It's like the carrot at the end of the stick... Here is your medium run goal: We want you at our wedding. I know it is selfish of me, but I really want you guys there.

I can't believe it Lis. I am so angry and so sad. Life just isn't fair. I'll stop sympathizing because it will not help you.

Because you have to fight again, I know you will fight a good fight. As Pat Benetar sang: Hit me with your best shot. I pray that your spirit remains intact. I hope that, somehow, you find a way to rise above your pain.

Hang in there Lisa. Do it for us. Everyone loves you.

Lisa,

I'm sure right now you are being bombarded with e-mail, phone calls, etc! But I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and I hope everything went well with the dreaded BMB yesterday!!

I am sorry to hear about the latest developments in your fight with the Hodgkin's. I wish you all the strength as you work your way back to full strength. I will look forward to hearing about your progress when you feel stronger.

Dearest Lisa,

I praise God that you have a WONDERFUL husband who is there for you in your time of crisis and personal upheaval! It is also so neat to see how you have such an incredible network of family, friends, and health care providers who are there for you too...you, my dear Lisa, are ONE SPECIAL WOMAN!!!!!

Of course, you also have shown that you have great taste...you choose to have ME as a friend, how better to show your taste for class and character??? Hahahha!!!! Did I ever tell you that I am very PROUD of my HUMILITY??? Hahah!!

Anyway, as a fellow HD Warrior, I have a better idea than the general population-at-large of what you are going through. I know you know this, but forgive me for stating the obvious...IT IS OKAY TO FEEL SAD AND DOWN SOMETIMES!!!! Just try to remember, whenever the thoughts get too heavy, that you are a winner and that you are only out on parole from the Remission Club and we are holding your spot for you. I know that you will have a positive attitude and that you have a winner's attitude...but remember that it is okay to sometimes (just sometimes) have moments and occasions when you feel the need to cry or to vent or to get frustrated and/or hurt. These moments are okay to have...do NOT feel this need to be the "STOIC WARRIOR" who faces all problems with a smile on her face. That is NOT realistic!!!! What is realistic is a person who goes through these perfectly natural emotional roller-coaster periods but nevertheless plods through these tough times and deals with the reality in a positive manner. I am certain that this is what YOU will do!!!

Dear Lisa, I really do wish that we were not separated by so many miles...because I want to help in more than just an email-supportive manner. You know, please keep in mind that if you ever need to be admitted to the hospital,could you please have Mark let me know which one because I would even seriously consider paying you a visit!!!!! So, please keep me in mind, ok? I am a fellow Hodgkinite and I think that we have a special bond as such.

I was impressed with your forthrightness and realistic assessment of your own vulnerabilities when your email stated that you felt a safety zone, a comfort zone in being with your friend who has leukemia when she was getting her blood products. That helps me to feel better that you are not in denial about your vulnerabilities and it is my humble opinion that a person who is NOT in denial is a stronger person that one who IS in denial. You, my friend, are a strong woman!!! I salute you! I am impressed at your realism and at your "spunk." Stay tough Lis.

So, Lisa, I am definitely holding your place at the inner circle of the HD Remission Club. If there are any new members to the Remission Club who join and want to take your seat, they will have to get past ME first...Your Club seat is reaserved for YOU and I will keep it warm for you!!! I promise!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )

PLEASE KEEP ME INFORMED! Even if it is through the mass emails, I totally understand! I know that over the course of the next few months, you will have to ration your energy...if that means that you only have energy and time enough to personally email others, THAT REALLY IS OKAY WITH ME BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND!!! AS A FELLOW HD'er, I know first-hand much of what you will be going through. But, if you do get hospitalized for any reason, please have Mark let me know!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

Keep Laughing! It Really Is The Best Medicine!

Dearest Lisa,

NO! IT CAN'T BE! We are all so sorry and can't believe the incredible unfairness that you have to go through all this treatment again! Hopefully a second treatment is what it will take. I know you said the road ahead looks rocky but there has got to be a fighting chance. This calls for bigger boxing gloves!

I know this is an extremely scary time for you Lisa. Please know that you are in our thoughts, hopes and dreams down here and most of all we love you very much! I am here to offer whatever help you and Mark need.

Lisa,

Well, I am totally bummed about the official news. That's not supposed to happen to one of "us"!!

I got on the phone with a friend to tell him and I started crying. I guess that means I care. :)

So, during treatment I can't do your laundry for you since I'm so far away (unless you want to mail it to me!) but what else can I do?

Well, you seem like you're handling it pretty damn good. You're me hero. :) I'll be thinking about you.

It is 10:30 pm here on Thursday. I have been 'away' from the computer for the past couple of days (a rarity), so your email wasn't opened until just a few minutes ago. In fact both of us I had to go over it a couple of times to take it all in. I will keep this message brief. (I would talk to you on the phone but at this moment you are probably in the hospital having your biopsy.) We would like to have a progress report on everything that's taking place, as frequently as you and/or Mark can find the time to keep us informed. If there is any help you need you will have it if we can provide it. Please send news, however brief, as soon as you can.

With all my love.

Big hugs to you and Mark. (((((((((((((Lisa and Mark)))))))))))))

First I want to apologize for not getting in touch with you earlier and we kept missing via the phone. I've been wanting to catch up - but I definately wasn't expecting news like this from you. I was hoping you were done with it all.

I've been thinking about you and really hoping everything was going well and you were moving forward. I can't even imagine what the two of you must be going through right now.

I too can't believe you're having to go through this. Life really isn't very fair. You can bet I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping all the best for

you. I really hope they're wrong thinking the cancer's come back.

By the time you read this you'll have had the bone marrow biopsy - I hope it went as o.k. as possible for you. I hope you had enough drugs so it wasn't too painful. I hope the rest of the tests go relatively easily for you.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I would like to help in whatever way I can. In the last year I haven't wanted to bother you too much as I know you've needed to get better. But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you.

You're a good friend of mine (even if we haven't spoken in a while), and I just wanted to make sure you know that you're in my thoughts. Let me know what you need and I'll do what I can.

Dear Lisa and Mark, Our prayers and good wishes are with you.